


If I knew how to feel better, I'd have asked for your help myself

by Lyndsey08



Series: A/B/O - Remy/Emile [4]
Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dating, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Remy/Emile - Freeform, Romantic Fluff, remile - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:07:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28374393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyndsey08/pseuds/Lyndsey08
Summary: Emile and Remy have been dating for several months when the therapist has a depressive episode.  He ghosts Remy for a few days when communicating seems too difficult to manage.  Soon, Remy insists on trying to help his boyfriend out in any way possible.
Relationships: Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Series: A/B/O - Remy/Emile [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078004
Kudos: 12





	If I knew how to feel better, I'd have asked for your help myself

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a glimpse into Emile's mind when he has a depressive episode. It's completely based of why I have experienced myself and I hope it makes sense in this story.
> 
> The smut for this story is coming in the next section!

Two months into dating one another, Remy realized he’d picked up many of Emile’s nonverbal cues. The smaller man was nearly always cheerful and often gestured enthusiastically as he spoke. His hazel eyes were vibrant and a smile was nearly ever present on his lips.

One afternoon, they met for lunch at Remy’s favorite coffee shop, which was fairly close to Emile’s building. The beta smiled as they kissed each other hello and Remy noticed it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Halfway through lunch, Remy asked, “You okay, babes? You don’t seem like you’re quite yourself today…” gently laying a hand to cover Emile’s that was on the small table.

“Oh, yes, sorry,” Emile said, immediately sounding more cheerful, “I’m just a little overwhelmed with work today, I didn’t mean to zone out, Rem.”

“No, you’re fine I just wondered,” Remy reassured him, not completely buying the explanation.

When they stood on the sidewalk, ready to part ways for the day, “I hope your day gets less stressful, babes,” Remy offered, leaning in to kiss him gently, “Let me know if I can do anything for you?” he added.

“Thanks, Rem,” Emile said, trying to smile, “I’m happy we found time to have lunch, I know you’re busy this week, too.”

“I always have time for you, Em,” the alpha said sincerely, gently squeezing the hand he was holding in his own.

“I’ll talk to you tonight,” the beta promised, hugging his boyfriend one last time before they stepped apart.

That evening, Emile didn’t text him and Remy was a little concerned. He didn’t want to be too clingy, so he stopped after sending two different texts several hours apart.

The next morning, Remy sent another text, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling already settled inside his stomach. Again, there was no response. The alpha wracked his brain as he tried to think of anything he could have potentially said or done the past few days to upset the other man, but he came up empty.

By the third day, he threw his dignity out the window and stopped by to see Emile’s secretary near the end of the day when he knew the other man would be finished seeing patients for the day and able to head home.

“I just wanted to check on him and see if he’s alright, he hasn’t seemed like himself the last few days,” Remy explained, trying to turn on every ounce of charm he had so they would admit him.

“He has seemed quiet this week, I wondered if he was possibly coming down with something,” Quil offered, nodding in agreement.

“I won’t stay long, may I please just pop in for a quick second?” Remy asked sweetly.

They immediately melted under his hopeful gaze and gestured to the door with a smile. “I’m heading out,” they added, and he walked to the door, running a hand through his hair nervously.

He knocked gently and heard Emile’s voice, “Come on in, Quil,” thinking the request for entry was from his secretary.

Remy stepped in and walked over to Emile’s desk, which was in unusual disarray. Papers and folders were scattered across the entire desk, post it notes in varying colors stuck haphazardly in little clusters here and there.

“Hey,” Remy said awkwardly in greeting and his stomach lurched as his boyfriend’s head snapped up in surprise.

“Remy…” he said, adjusting his glasses, “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I know and I’m really sorry to bother you at work I just...was getting pretty worried, I haven’t heard from you in a few days. If I did something to upset you, I’m sorry, I’ll go but...you didn’t seem like yourself at lunch the other day and I’ve just been nervous for you ever since…Something didn’t seem quite right,” the alpha explained in a rush. “Are you okay?” he added after a painfully long silence.

Emile sighed and took off his glasses, setting them down amid the papers on the desk and rubbing his eyes tiredly before speaking, “I’m sorry I haven’t texted back in a few days, I’m just...kind of a mess,” he said, looking up to meet the other man’s gaze. He hesitated for a moment, “An extreme mess might be more accurate now that I think about it…” He gave a small, self deprecating laugh to punctuate his sentence.

“What’s going on, Em?” Remy asked quietly, not moving closer to the desk as he waited awkwardly.

“I guess if I can’t tell you now, I may never do it,” Emile said, putting his glasses back on. “I have depressive episodes once in a while and the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is knowing I have to be here for my patients. I’m having a pretty bad one this week and, gosh this sounds like such a lame excuse, I misplaced my charger the other day so when my phone died I...truly didn’t have the energy to go look for it.”

Remy must have looked surprised because the beta continued, “That was awful for me to just ignore your texts...even if my phone was at home and not charged. I’ve been going home and sleeping immediately every night after work. I’m sorry, Remy, you didn’t deserve that,” he finished quietly, his hazel eyes filled with sadness.

“It’s okay, I was trying to not be clingy but...I was actually getting worried about you, Em,” Remy said, taking a step forward, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket so he wouldn’t fidget anxiously.

“Can I do anything to help you?” the alpha asked softly.

Emile laughed once bitterly, “Oh hun, if I knew what to do for this I’d ask you myself for help,” he said, leaning back and rubbing the back of his neck, “but when these pop up I just...hide away as much as possible until they’re over.” 

He shook his head as he continued to think aloud, “I’ve never been around you for one of these episodes, have I?” he asked, glancing back up at the other man.

Remy shook his head, shifting from one foot to another, “Is there anything I can do?” he asked again, feeling a little helpless.

“Not really,” Emile admitted sadly before sighing heavily, “I’m really sorry I just kind of hung you out to dry the last few days...but I don’t know that I can talk about it anymore right now. I don’t have a way to fix anything when I feel this numb.” He raked one hand through his hair and looked at the alpha helplessly.

“When’s the last time you ate something?” Remy asked softly. He knew that Emile had trouble remembering to eat when he was stressed out.

“I had tea today,” Emile answered, moving to shrug his cardigan back on and standing up from his desk chair.

“Look Em, it’s Friday. Would you come back with me to my apartment and I could help you out however I can tonight? We don’t have to even talk but I could cook for you and help you relax? I could set you up with some Netflix and totally leave you alone but...you look terrible and I’m really worried about you, babes,” Remy said, feeling defeated but feeling the need to help somehow.

Emile shrugged on his bag and walked around his desk, “I appreciate the offer, but…” he sighed again, trailing off. Now that he’d moved closer, Remy could clearly see the lines of fatigue and dark shadows under the hazel eyes. “I really wouldn’t be very good company,” he quietly added a moment later.

“You don’t have to be, Em. I mean it, just let me take care of you and try to help you out a little bit while you’re feeling this bad,” Remy reiterated, assuming his offer would be shot down a second time.

He took the last few steps forward until he was close enough to touch the beta, reaching out slowly to place his hands on Emile’s upper arms, “Please don’t shut me out, baby,” he whispered, “I care about you no matter what mood you’re in or how you’re feeling, you won’t scare me away,” he added sincerely.

Emile stared up at the taller man, “Aren’t you...busy tonight?” he asked hesitantly, his hazel eyes wide.

“Nope,” Remy answered, carefully rubbing his hands up and down Emile’s arms while he waited for an answer.

After a very long silence Emile asked hesitantly, “Would...I mean...would you come back to my place instead?”

“Sure, would you let me help you out tonight? I could clean things or do laundry or-” Remy’s words were cut off with a tired smile and a gentle hand splayed against his chest.

“You don’t have to help me clean anything, Rem. But all of my clothes and things are there. It just might be a little easier?” Emile explained.

“Do you mind? To quote someone else in this room, ‘I don’t want to invade your personal space’,” Remy teased gently.

“I like when you invade my personal space,” Emile countered, trying to smile and failing but at least sounding a bit more like himself.

Remy grinned down at his boyfriend and asked, “Can I please hug you now that I know you’re not sick of me?”

Emile huffed a laugh and nodded, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around the alpha, who returned the gesture happily. They stood together for a long moment before Remy pulled away enough to say, “Come on, my car’s out in the parking lot.”

Twenty minutes later, they arrived at Emile’s apartment and the beta led them up to his front door. As he fumbled for his keys he suddenly said, “Umm...I haven’t been picking up at all this week, there’s stuff kind of...everywhere,” he warned.

“No worries, I’m here to help, not judge your cleaning abilities this week, Em,” Remy reassured him.

The beta hadn’t been exaggerating; things were scattered everywhere. There was a nest of blankets and pillows on one end of the couch, several cups of forgotten tea on the coffee table and the side table was littered with papers and random objects. The scene was the complete opposite of how the beta usually kept his apartment.

After some gentle questioning in the car, Emile had conceded that he would try to eat a salad and Remy ordered him one from one of their favorite pizza places as the beta went to go take a shower.

The alpha glanced around and ended up wandering into the kitchen. He took one look at the sink and counter piled high with dishes and shrugged off his jacket, moving to wash things up. He was still working when the beta reentered with his hair damp and wearing sweatpants and a huge t-shirt with an even larger fluffy cardigan over it.

The beta opened his mouth to protest but Remy turned and kissed his forehead, cutting him off gently, “I’m not here, remember? Please go sit and relax, Emmy. Food should be here in a little bit and all you need to worry about is being calm, okay?”

Emile started to protest a second time but Remy winked, “That sofa in there is calling your name, Em,” he commented, gesturing with his head towards the living room, “And you know I could just pick you up and carry you out there,” he teased.

Emile quietly acquiesced and Remy smiled to himself. When his phone buzzed several minutes later, the alpha hurried to the front door so Emile wouldn’t need to get up or talk to anyone. Remy sat the food down on the coffee table before walking back into the kitchen and grabbing something from the fridge. He sat down beside his boyfriend and held out three items: a can of soda, a bottle of water, and a beer, silently presenting him with choices.

Emile laughed quietly, “What did I do to deserve you?” he questioned, carefully taking the beer from his boyfriend.

“Oh babes, you may need to set your standards a little higher if you think I’m great,” Remy teased, kissing him on the forehead.

The beta picked at his salad and managed to eat about half before Remy cleared everything away and placed the leftovers in the fridge.

“Come sit with me?” Emile asked hopefully, holding out an arm to his boyfriend. The alpha slid down onto the sofa next to him and wrapped him up, tugging him against his side. Emile snuggled against him in their usual position and lay his head on the alpha’s chest. 

He hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d mentioned not feeling up to talking much. The beta sat curled up against his boyfriend and said nothing for several hours as they watched Steven Universe episodes. Eventually, he fell asleep and Remy carefully slipped out from under him, lifted his glasses off and sat them on the coffee table before tucking a blanket around him and moving back into the kitchen.

Once he’d quietly washed the remainder of the dishes, he cleaned off the countertops and put items back in their respective places. Seeing it was only 7:30, Remy quietly popped his head back out into the living room to check on his boyfriend, who was still sleeping soundly, curled up in a ball underneath the blanket.

He tiptoed into Emile’s bedroom, where he’d spent many nights before, and stripped the sheets and pillowcases off the bed before grabbing fresh ones from the closet and arranging them in their place. Remy gathered the bedding along with the other laundry before taking it downstairs to load into the washing machine. 

Once he’d set a timer on his phone he searched around until he discovered where the cleaning supplies were all located in a hall closet. He cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom and set out new towels before quietly placing everything back in the closet.

Emile was still out cold and Remy crept around the living room, cleaning as he went until the timer vibrated in his pocket. The alpha wandered back downstairs to hang most of the laundry and dry less important things like lounge clothes before making his way back up to the living room.

Feeling pleased that his boyfriend wouldn’t have to worry about anything extra around the apartment this weekend, Remy made sure the front door was locked and crouched down in front of the sofa. Emile hadn’t moved an inch and was snoring softly. The alpha’s heart fluttered as he debated waking him to go to his bedroom. 

Worrying that the couch might leave the beta with aches the following day, Remy gently said his name a few times and threaded his fingers through the soft, magenta hair. Emile blinked awake and glanced around before remembering Remy was over.

“Let’s get you in your bed, Em,” the alpha offered and helped the sleepy beta up, grabbing his glasses along the way.

While Emile stopped in the bathroom, Remy turned down the clean sheets he’d placed earlier and clicked on his boyfriends’ white noise machine on the bedside table. The beta shuffled in several moments later and shrugged off his cardigan, “You’ll stay over, right?” he yawned, stroking his boyfriend's arm.

Remy laughed softly, “Of course, come here,” and tucked his boyfriend into bed on his usual side. The alpha slid off his jeans and slipped under the blankets, quickly finding Emile pressed up against him with a contented sigh, “Missed you,” the beta murmured sleepily, “love you so much.” 

Remy’s heart tried to beat out of his chest at the declaration. They hadn't actually said the words aloud to one another yet and he tried to convince himself that the beta being half asleep coupled with exhaustion were probably what fueled the last comment. Nonetheless, if he’d admitted it aloud, hopefully that meant the sentiment had been lurking around somewhere in Emile’s mind. Remy pressed a kiss to his boyfriends forehead and snuggled closer.

The next morning, Remy woke before Emile and silently scrolled through his phone. When the beta woke sometime later he stretched and smiled sleepily, “Hey, you,” he said, lazily getting out of the bed and heading into the bathroom.

When he returned, he glanced at his boyfriend and furrowed his brow, “Hun...did you...clean?” Emile asked.

Remy grinned slightly and nodded, walking over to him, “I wanted to help take away any stress I possibly could,” he said simply, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“You’re too sweet,” Emile said, wrapping him up in a hug, “thank you so much.”

“Can I make you breakfast, Em?” the alpha asked, pulling back slightly.

Emile grinned, “Sure, I’ll help you,” he said, taking his boyfriends’ hand and leading him down the hallway. Upon seeing the living room, Emile stopped and glanced around before noticing the kitchen was also spotless. He turned to face his boyfriend, “You cleaned my entire apartment…?” he asked, amazed.

Remy nodded, “Your laundry is done, too. You got some extra sleep on the couch after watching TV last night and I was still wired, so it was a win-win situation,” he said.

“Rem!” the beta flung himself at the taller man and held him close, “Thank you so much, you didn’t have to do all that, you’re incredible.”

“You’re welcome,” Remy murmured into the beta’s soft hair, “I just wanted to help you, Em,” he reiterated. 

Emile kissed him before pulling away, “Seriously, thank you, this was such a relief to wake up to this morning,” he murmured gratefully. 

Remy just smiled back at him, “How are you feeling today, by the way?” he asked as he threaded his fingers through Emile’s bright hair.

“I think a little better, but it’s kind of too early to tell,” the beta admitted.

Remy hummed in response, “Well, if you’ll let me fix you breakfast, I’ll get out of your hair and you can do whatever for the rest of the day,” he said, tugging him towards the kitchen.

"I'd love it if you'd stick around," Emile said shyly, "Hopefully today will be a little better and we can find something to get into?"

"Sounds great," Remy said, dropping a kiss onto the smaller man's cheek.


End file.
